the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
