these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
