Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
