Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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