I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
