I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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