She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
