You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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