You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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