She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
