cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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