I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
