We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
