i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
