Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hippo gnu deer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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