wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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