Im at strip club and am horny
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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