God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
