Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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