im six kinds of drunk right now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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