the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
