I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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