if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize