I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she smelled like a LAN party
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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