just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
