bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
