I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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