I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
