I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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