Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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