I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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