..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
