That's when you crack a 10am beer
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
