remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
