my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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