we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
