I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize