So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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