peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
