and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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