I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
