me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
