Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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