I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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