Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The power of my boobs compel you
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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