I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
