honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
