dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
