It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
