He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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