3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
