when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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