well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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