I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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