you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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