Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
