I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize