Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
