Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize