Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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