Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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