We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
