I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
