Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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