I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
