i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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