just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
