So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
