i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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