Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
