I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
