Who did Billy Mays play for?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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