So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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