Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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