I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Fuck appropriateness.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
