my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
how drunk are you?
Several
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
