I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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