Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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