Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
