Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
