Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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