But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
