Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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