Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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