watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
