It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
