Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
