found the other keg... it's in the tree
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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